No one becomes a single parent by choice, when i was carrying my first beautiful child, all i wanted, was to be the best mother i could possibly be, Have i made mistakes? YES!! I’m only human, everyone makes mistakes, but we learn from them, i am not superwoman, no matter how hard i try to be, everyone has a breaking point, I am no different!
I love my two girls with every fibre of my being, no matter how hard things can get, they are my reason for everything i do, my reason for BEING! But it isn’t all fun and games, mushy hearts and flowers stuff, sometimes its so damn hard, you feel like you are failing, that everything happening with your child is YOUR fault!
My youngest child loves to talk, i don’t want to label her a chatterbox, but you know what, that’s just what she is, she will talk and talk, even in her sleep, she talks so much at school, she is frequently being told off and it doesn’t matter what i’ve tried, taking her things, no treats, any improvement in her incessant talking, is short lived. I finally hit my breaking point, after numerous pick ups from school, walking towards her class room and once again, seeing her teachers frustrated and disappointed face. My stomach already in knots, well…it just sank, after such an amazing improvement last week, we were right back to square one and i just wanted to cry..right there and then.
My daughter knew she had disappointed me and let herself down, it’s so hard seeing her sad little face, her tears, wanting to pull her in my arms, yet at the same time, be so damn sad and disappointed. Then the anger at myself kicked in, for not being able to find something that will keep my daughter from behaving this way all the time and i got home and i just shut myself in the bathroom and cried my eyes out, feeling like the worst mum ever, like i was failing at my most important job!
I am pretty sure many single mums/parents have felt like this at one time or another and today, after a good nights sleep and time alone to think, i know that i am doing everything i can, to change this behaviour, to help and encourage my daughter/s to do the right thing. I discipline when they do wrong, i praise and reward when they do well, i work 2 jobs and everything i do is for them, sometimes it’s a case of trial and error, if one thing doesnt work, try something else, one day it will just click. At the end of the day, i want my daughter to be sociable, i do not want her to think that talking is a bad thing, but i want her to have self control too, she is 6, she knows right from wrong, the wrong and right time to talk, which makes this so much more frustrating, but finding that balance is the hard part, getting her to reign in the talking, without damaging her social skills.
Final thought- I am not super mum, i AM doing the best that i can by my children and will continue to do so, until the day i draw my last breath…it’s ok to have a down day, to feel frustrated and overwhelmed, that’s not failure, that’s being human, time to stop being so hard on ourselves.
Thanks for reading, Lisa xoxo